Kathrynne Davison

|Private|
Normally by this time of night I'd already be tucked into bed and asleep so that I could be up bright and early the next day and ready for everything. That isn't the case tonight though. No, in reality that hasn't been how things have gone for a number of months now. Having this journal has only gone to show just how out of touch I am with my children. It makes me realize how much I've messed up with Dari.

And I tell myself I'm going to change and yet I don't. I know that I sit here and I see entries from her, her husband, their adopted eldest daughter and I think that I should say something and then I don't. I'm never going to make something different of how they view me if I continue on how I am. It shouldn't be that hard to change. Why am I hesitating so?

Change doesn't come easy to me.
|/Private|

I think that I am perhaps too set in my ways.

|Private|
Any more it seems as though I am single again. Oh I certainly don't go out and act like I'm not married, but Alexander is rarely home. I have to wonder if the only thing that kept us together was the fact that we had children. Well no, I think I know that is the only reason. I think that we've grown to used to being married to change that fact though. The idea of divorcing after this long is simply inconceivable.

This often makes me wonder about Dari's marriage. Is it truly going to last? They already have two children, one adopted. Are they a happy family? I hope they are.
|/Private|

|Blocked from Dari and people who would tell Dari|
A short visit? Is she actually trying to say she is going to dictate how long I can come and see my own biological grandchild? Is it somes ort of weird ransom? Time with my grandchild for what? I honestly don't know what my own child expects from me. Sometimes I wonder how it was that I even raised her. Though I'm sure she'd say that Annabel raised her. Or Alexandrea's husband. Honestly! She acts as though she is not my own flesh and blood!
|/Blocked from Dari and people who would tell Dari|

|Private to Alexandrea|
I know that you've said that perhaps I should try to get close to my daughter's adopted child, Remy, but I think it could potentially be more difficult then originally thought. It would most certainly seem that Dari doesn't even want me around the new child which is definitely going to make it harder to get to the other.
|/Private to Alexandrea|

So it appears that this weekend my husband and I shall be unavailable if you need us. We are going to travel to New York to see my eldest child, her husband, their adopted daughter and her new addition to the family.

|Private, readable by Alexandrea|
So Dariana has given birth to my first blood-born grandchild. Am I supposed to be pleased by this? I would think that most mothers would be thrilled by this, but I find that I'm not. I can't help but believe that one day Dari will regret starting a family life so young. I know that, while I care for my children, I often wish that I'd waited until I was older to have them. There is so much that I wish I'd done before I had them.

And then there is their adopted child, Remy. Am I supposed to form some sort of bond with this child as well? I don't believe that I can. I see the child's updates on this journal frequently, but I can't bring myself to say anything. I'm certain that Dari has noticed and probably doesn't want me to have any contact with her.
|/Private|

When I order a specific flower arrangement to use as a decoration and I state that I want a dozen and a half flowers, how many do they think I meant? I am quite certain that I meant I wanted eighteen, not the sixteen that they sent. Can they not count? And what is worse is that the entire arrangement then had a gaping hole where the other flowers should have been. I can only say that at least we weren't having guests over who'd have to have seen that... thing. I don't believe that my standards are too high. It isn't as though I got specific on how I wanted it beyond the amount of flowers. Unacceptable.

( Kathrynne Davison )

( Storyline )